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  • Writer's pictureAnthony Dimitrion, LCSW, CST

5 Quick Tips for Enhancing Your Love Life

1) When you're naked in the bed, get out of your head.

During intimate moments many of us can find ourselves getting stuck in our heads with judgments about performance, concern about body image, or worry about lasting. When we are in our heads we become disconnected from our partner and the moment. If this happens to you, refocus your attention on your partner and on the sensations of intimacy.

2) Communication=Celebration

Our partners are not mind readers. They are trying their best to pleasure us, as well as pleasure themselves. If something their doing feeling wrong, gently guide them in a different position or to a different form of pleasuring. If something their doing feels amazing, then let out a moan, tell them in the moment how great it feels, ask them to keep going. Don't hesitate to check in with them about whether they are enjoying what you're doing. The more we communicate, the better the sex will be.

3) Date Night makes things alright.

Be sure to schedule time with one another where you can be alone without interference from friends, family, or children. Spending time with one another will help you continue to learn and grow as a couple. It can also set the stage for intimacy.

4) Spontaneous desire is not all that exists.

So many couples believe that the best sex is spontaneous sex, but the reality is that spontaneous desire (i.e. that overwhelming feeling to all of the sudden "jump their bones") is not that only type of desire AND decrease with age and length of relationship. Responsive desire is another, just as pleasuring resulting, desire that occurs in response to setting up an intimate moment. Get naked. Lie in the bed. See what happens.

5) Self-pleasure is just as important as joint pleasure.

Research has shown that women who masturbate have sex more frequently than those who do not. Masturbation does not have to be a secretive behavior done alone in the dark. As a couple discuss what turns you on while you're alone. Explore one another's porn preferences or mental fantasies. Mutually masturbate or view erotica or pornography together. Sharing your solo moments can lead to arousing moments together, while also teaching you what your partner likes and dislikes.

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